Opening doors

Am I strong or am I afraid of my own shadow? I did do some checking on some things last week, thankfully. I want the love back in my life. I'm tired of being disconnected, sad, and that is why I remember connections with people on Skhype, or the calming mudra, or the powerful things I know about myself. I feel strong, and I feel weightless, adrift, flowing, which is not all bad, that I've lost my place in line. The Raising the Floor focus group at the American Council of the Blind conference was great. There was no "I'm better than you" or "I know more than you." or any one upmanship. It was cordial, cooperative, sharing and all that at 8:00 a.m. I had come in late from the Waverly Hills Sanitorium and it did not feel anything particular except it was hotter than the dickens. I needed two bottles of water when that was done. On the walk the next day for about 2 miles, again, needed tons of water afterwards. Okay, enough for now. Koraling Lynne I'm learning a little about FAcebook these days, and working with it.

Changing our environment

My husband's niece wrote a book. It is about her great-grandmother. My friend Sylvia has a relative who wrote "Along the Snake." My good friend Kitty wrote a bok. Check it out. It is "Dancing with Mao and Miguel." I heard part of it. It is great. Eric Robeson's book is fabulous. I had no idea he was so literary and literate. I am mesmerized by the book. Changing my mindset is what I am working on. Walking with a wider stride, thinking of birthing new life (metaphorically) and just practicing exercises that Ron Frank gave me. Sometimes, there has to be a shiva or break so change can happen, and so people can "wake up." Koraling Lynne

one size fits all

When I was buying a hat at Land's End in the 1980's, the hat was too large. I have a smaller than normal circumference of the head, and therefore it was too big. When we pick people for positions by the numbers and score them, we are missing the communication piece, the verbal piece, the interaction piece. This is wrong. I am not a number. I am a feeling, thinking, intuitive, intelligent, intellectual, analytical, and loving person. I am intense, passionate, and I don't give up easily. I remember a line from a poem I wrote as a young adult: "I am a ball of silent, frightened anger." Anyway, we'll see what happens. Koraling Lynne

musings

It  has been a couple of months of change,, reflection, and all sorts of changes. Right now, I'm listening to surfing sounds of water. I have been involved with a 30-day meditation. We are making changes to our house, and paid for a new patio door and window (the worst one). I get tired of waiting for the next shoe to drop. Last Saturday, the interface GWConnect that interfaces with skype stopped working and no matter how many times I download it, it will not restore itself and now music is water sounds and relaxing music and thunderstorm. I am tired of stifling, control, rigidity, and one size fits all and numbers instead of uniqueness. I'm really tired of being angry and upset a lot. I asked Ron to deal with the anger and all that, because I am so tired of feeling the way I do physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, etc. dragged out and torn asunder. I can't understand why Skype is still speaking in Arabic, why the disabled writers' group is being bounced, why e-mails of five of us at a women's circle were never gotten in touch with for the functional relationships ongoing group support (FROGS). It's ridiculous. Never have things been so difficult to manage, and people are not getting in touch with me. I am so disgusted and worn out sometimes. Yet, I look into coaching others and helping them, and seem to understand others. I had a great time at the convention by myself with the roommates who drank too much, and found that that was a way to cope with whatever, or cope with unhappiness, and the program sessions for Blind Information Technology Specialists were good also. The Women and Enlightenment was out of this world, and fabulous. I just want to be myself. "Hope Springs" was a great movie. Woody Guthrie was celebrated on the 100th anniversary of his birth. I have been using the treadmill and bike some and walking to Lydia's house but crossing is difficult because the curbs are curved and one cannot square off. Nevertheless, I'm determined to learn the bus, and I walk with the angelic strut that we learned about at the workshop in Portland in July. I want love and I want to give love. I become so disappointed in people. My confidence is good, and I think that is a problem for people. koraling Lynne