Saturday, September 1, 2012

musings

It  has been a couple of months of change,, reflection, and all sorts of changes. Right now, I'm listening to surfing sounds of water. I have been involved with a 30-day meditation. We are making changes to our house, and paid for a new patio door and window (the worst one). I get tired of waiting for the next shoe to drop. Last Saturday, the interface GWConnect that interfaces with skype stopped working and no matter how many times I download it, it will not restore itself and now music is water sounds and relaxing music and thunderstorm. I am tired of stifling, control, rigidity, and one size fits all and numbers instead of uniqueness. I'm really tired of being angry and upset a lot. I asked Ron to deal with the anger and all that, because I am so tired of feeling the way I do physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, etc. dragged out and torn asunder. I can't understand why Skype is still speaking in Arabic, why the disabled writers' group is being bounced, why e-mails of five of us at a women's circle were never gotten in touch with for the functional relationships ongoing group support (FROGS). It's ridiculous. Never have things been so difficult to manage, and people are not getting in touch with me. I am so disgusted and worn out sometimes. Yet, I look into coaching others and helping them, and seem to understand others. I had a great time at the convention by myself with the roommates who drank too much, and found that that was a way to cope with whatever, or cope with unhappiness, and the program sessions for Blind Information Technology Specialists were good also. The Women and Enlightenment was out of this world, and fabulous. I just want to be myself. "Hope Springs" was a great movie. Woody Guthrie was celebrated on the 100th anniversary of his birth. I have been using the treadmill and bike some and walking to Lydia's house but crossing is difficult because the curbs are curved and one cannot square off. Nevertheless, I'm determined to learn the bus, and I walk with the angelic strut that we learned about at the workshop in Portland in July. I want love and I want to give love. I become so disappointed in people. My confidence is good, and I think that is a problem for people. koraling Lynne

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