Tuesday, June 14, 2011

moods and modes

I spoke to my very good friend and she is from high school Anna. We talked about how afraid I am now to travel,, and she reminded we helped someone move from a college dorm to another or something, and I was in the street by mistake, and she freaked out, and I did not. She said: "I want the old Lynne back." I said that I knew that one friend had an alcoholic father, and Brenda's mother combined prescriptions with alcohol and overdosed just like Brenda herself many years later. She asked what happened to Armand Bakalian, and I said I wonder what happened to Karen Wolmer. What happened to Barry and he took her to a French restaurant, and I said I knew he had died some time ago. He was a blind psychologist. We spoke about psychotherapy, and I said I did not understand why our parents would think we, the individual, was the problem, and not more complex ideations. I said it was lack of real closeness and love and all that that might have been the problem. We are social beings, and we do not thrive if there is not closeness and affection and warmth. Many parents did not show emotion, and that is a very sad thing. I think I demonstrated more of that to my son, as I had been denied it. I always felt a little strange and not one of the "in crowd" as a teen-ager, and read and read and listened to the radio also. How years give us perspective! I don't know how long I have been afraid to travel. My husband remembers Anna because we stayed at her house in the 1990's on our way to a conference and we were supposed to stay with dad, but he was in the hospital with a drug reaction, and was on dialysis, and mom was freaked out. Then, I saw Anna's mother. It is good taht we still keep in touch. I do wonder about the blind folks I knew back then. I said that Gerry had written me by e-mail in 2002, and what happenedto Willy Messing? What about Pat Logan--where was she? I said I'm afraid to ask people for favors, or to help me because I've been abused and maligned, even though I know I have skills. I said I help other people who are disenfranchised women or others feel good about themselves, and lift them up because I see through them with their skills. Anna asked if I wanted to work with adolescents. Hmm. I think adolescence was when we reflect and discover ourselves and our separation from our family of origin. She asked about Kathy, who was a foster child, and I forgot her last name, but I remember writing c/o Russo. I said my friend Caryn is doing well, and another friend who brought me to Alaska Sylvia is also doing well financially. Anna liked what I had to say, and on the trip where we spent the night with her, she was showing her young son about dogs, and Fennel was such a good one. Anna thinks I should get another dog also. I do wonder what happened to many of the people who were blind. I don't know anything about Chrystal, who lived right around the corner from me. Enough reminiscing for now. I still take things more personally than I like. I have to remember that what other people think of me is none of my business. Koraling Lynne

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