the brain, is this simplistic

I got this from hbigalaxy.com and I thought it was interesting. However, some people thought it is simplistic, and that "one size does not fit all." Do we all have different reactions? I think that traumatized people and sensitive people have reactions to yelling, negativity, put-downs and the like. Lynne The Most Dangerous Word in the WorldPosted by Ray / December 30, 2012 / 1 Comment This word can damage both the speaker’s and listener’s brain! If I were to put you into an fMRI scanner—a huge donut-shaped magnet that can take a video of the neural changes happening in your brain—and flash the word “NO” for less than one second, you’d see a sudden release of dozens of stress-producing hormones and neurotransmitters. These chemicals immediately interrupt the normal functioning of your brain, impairing logic, reason, language processing, and communication. In fact, just seeing a list of negative words for a few seconds will make a highly anxious or depressed person feel worse, and the more you ruminate on them, the more you can actually damage key structures that regulate your memory, feelings, and emotions.[1] You’ll disrupt your sleep, your appetite, and your ability to experience long-term happiness and satisfaction. If you vocalize your negativity, or even slightly frown when you say “no,” more stress chemicals will be released, not only in your brain, but in the listener’s brain as well.[2] The listener will experience increased anxiety and irritability, thus undermining cooperation and trust. In fact, just hanging around negative people will make you more prejudiced toward others![3] Any form of negative rumination—for example, worrying about your financial future or health—will stimulate the release of destructive neurochemicals. And the same holds true for children: the more negative thoughts they have, the more likely they are to experience emotional turmoil.[4] But if you teach them to think positively, you can turn their lives around.[5] Negative thinking is also self perpetuating, and the more you engage in negative dialogue—at home or at work—the more difficult it becomes to stop.[6] But negative words, spoken with anger, do even more damage. They send alarm messages through the brain, interfering with the decision making centers in the frontal lobe, and this increases a person’s propensity to act irrationally. Fear-provoking words—like poverty, illness, and death—also stimulate the brain in negative ways. And even if these fearful thoughts are not real, other parts of your brain (like the thalamus and amygdala) react to negative fantasies as though they were actual threats occurring in the outside world. Curiously, we seem to be hardwired to worry—perhaps an artifact of old memories carried over from ancestral times when there were countless threats to our survival.[7] In order to interrupt this natural propensity to worry, several steps can be taken. First, ask yourself this question: “Is the situation really a threat to my personal survival?” Usually it isn’t, and the faster you can interrupt the amygdala’s reaction to an imagined threat, the quicker you can take action to solve the problem. You’ll also reduce the possibility of burning a permanent negative memory into our brain.[8] After you have identified the negative thought (which often operates just below the level of everyday consciousness), your can reframe it by choosing to focus on positive words and images. The result: anxiety and depression decreases and the number of unconscious negative thoughts decline.[9] The Power of Yes When doctors and therapists teach patients to turn negative thoughts and worries into positive affirmations, the communication process improves and the patient regains self-control and confidence.[10] But there’s a problem: the brain barely responds to our positive words and thoughts.[11] They’re not a threat to our survival, so the brain doesn’t need to respond as rapidly as it does to negative thoughts and words. [12] To overcome this neural bias for negativity, we must repetitiously and consciously generate as many positive thoughts as we can. Barbara Fredrickson, one of the founders of Positive Psychology, discovered that if we need to generate at least three positive thoughts and feelings for each expression of negativity. If you express fewer than three, personal and business relationships are likely to fail. This finding correlates with Marcial Losada’s research with corporate teams,[13] and John Gottman’s research with marital couples.[14] Fredrickson, Losada, and Gottman realized that if you want your business and your personal relationships to really flourish, you’ll need to generate at least five positive messages for each negative utterance you make (for example, “I’m disappointed” or “That’s not what I had hoped for” count as expressions of negativity, as does a facial frown or nod of the head). It doesn’t even matter if your positive thoughts are irrational; they’ll still enhance your sense of happiness, wellbeing, and life satisfaction.[15] In fact, positive thinking can help anyone to build a better and more optimistic attitude toward life.[16] Positive words and thoughts propel the motivational centers of the brain into action[17] and they help us build resilience when we are faced with life’s problems.[18] According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, one of the world’s leading researchers on happiness, if you want to develop lifelong satisfaction, you should regularly engage in positive thinking about yourself, share your happiest events with others, and savor every positive experience in your life.[19] Our advice: choose your words wisely and speak them slowly. This will allow you to interrupt the brain’s propensity to be negative, and as recent research has shown, the mere repetition of positive words like love, peace, and compassion will turn on specific genes that lower your physical and emotional stress [20]. You’ll feel better, you’ll live longer, and you’ll build deeper and more trusting relationships with others—at home and at work. As Fredrickson and Losada point out, when you generate a minimum of five positive thoughts to each negative one, you’ll experience “an optimal range of human functioning.”[21] That is the power of YES. For more information on the effects of positive and negative speech, see Words Can Change Your Brain (Newberg & Waldman, 2012, Hudson Street Press), and for strategies to reduce stress and improve communication, visitwww.MarkRobertWaldman.com. _____________________________________ [1] Some assessments of the amygdala role in suprahypothalamic neuroendocrine regulation: a minireview. Talarovicova A, Krskova L, Kiss A. Endocr Regul. 2007 Nov;41(4):155-62. [2]HaririAR, Tessitore A, Mattay VS, Fera F,Weinberger DR.. The amygdala response to emotional stimuli: a comparison of faces and scenes. Neuroimage. 2002 Sep;17(1):317-23. [3] Duhachek A, Zhang S, Krishnan S. Anticipated Group Interaction: Coping withValence Asymmetries in Attitude Shift. Journal Of Consumer Research. Vol. 34. October 2007. [4] The Role of Repetitive Negative Thoughts in the Vulnerability for Emotional Problems in Non-Clinical Children. Broeren S, Muris P, Bouwmeester S, van der Heijden KB, Abee A. J Child Fam Stud. 2011 Apr;20(2):135-148. [5] Protocol for a randomised controlled trial of a school based cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) intervention to prevent depression in high risk adolescents (PROMISE). Stallard P, Montgomery AA, Araya R, Anderson R, Lewis G, Sayal K, Buck R, Millings A,Taylor JA. Trials. 2010 Nov 29;11:114. [6] What is in a word? No versus Yes differentially engage the lateral orbitofrontal cortex. Alia-Klein N, Goldstein RZ, Tomasi D, Zhang L, Fagin-Jones S, Telang F, Wang GJ, Fowler JS, Volkow ND. Emotion. 2007 Aug;7(3):649-59. [7] Wright, R. The Moral Animal: Why We Are, the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology. Vintage, 1995. [8] Erasing fear memories with extinction training. Quirk GJ, Paré D, Richardson R, Herry C, Monfils MH, Schiller D, Vicentic A. J Neurosci. 2010 Nov 10;30(45):14993-7. [9] Generalized hypervigilance in fibromyalgia patients: an experimental analysis with the emotional Stroop paradigm. González JL, Mercado F, Barjola P, Carretero I, López-López A, Bullones MA, Fernández-Sánchez M, Alonso M. J Psychosom Res. 2010 Sep;69(3):279-87. [10] [Negative and positive suggestions in anaesthesia : Improved communication with anxious surgical patients]. Hansen E, Bejenke C. Anaesthesist. 2010 Mar;59(3):199-202, 204-6, 208-9. [11] Kisley MA, Wood S, Burrows CL. Looking at the sunny side of life: age-related change in an event-related potential measure of the negativity bias. Psychol Sci. 2007 Sep;18(9):838-43. [12] May I have your attention, please: electrocortical responses to positive and negative stimuli. Smith NK, Cacioppo JT, Larsen JT, Chartrand TL. Neuropsychologia. 2003;41(2):171-83. [13] Losada, M. & Heaphy, E. (2004). The role of positivity and connectivity in the performance of business teams: A nonlinear dynamics model. Losada M, Heaphy E. Am Behav Scientist. 2004 47 (6):740–765. [14] Gottman J. What Predicts Divorce?: The Relationship Between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes. Psychology Press, 1993. [15] On the incremental validity of irrational beliefs to predict subjective well-being while controlling for personality factors. Spörrle M, Strobel M, Tumasjan A. Psicothema. 2010 Nov;22(4):543-8. [16] The value of positive psychology for health psychology: progress and pitfalls in examining the relation of positive phenomena to health. Aspinwall LG, Tedeschi RG. Ann Behav Med. 2010 Feb;39(1):4-15. [17] What is in a word? No versus Yes differentially engage the lateral orbitofrontal cortex. Alia-Klein N, Goldstein RZ, Tomasi D, Zhang L, Fagin-Jones S, Telang F, Wang GJ, Fowler JS, Volkow ND. Emotion. 2007 Aug;7(3):649-59. [18] Happiness unpacked: positive emotions increase life satisfaction by building resilience. Cohn MA, Fredrickson BL, Brown SL, Mikels JA,Conway AM. Emotion. 2009 Jun;9(3):361-8. [19] Pursuing Happiness in Everyday Life: The Characteristics and Behaviors of Online Happiness Seekers. Parks AC, Della Porta MD, Pierce RS, Zilca R, Lyubomirsky S. Emotion. 2012 May 28. [20] Genomic counter-stress changes induced by the relaxation response. Dusek JA, Otu HH, Wohlhueter AL, Bhasin M, Zerbini LF, Joseph MG, Benson H, Libermann TA. PLoS One. 2008 Jul 2;3(7):e2576. [21] Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human flourishing. Fredrickson BL, Losada MF. Am Psychol. 2005 Oct;60(7):678-86.

How to delete comments?

Steve called a week and a half ago, to tell me when to delete anonymous comments. (Sigh). It was on the 19 on Thursday, no, it was not it was on the 17, actually, when Gary Murphy checkd our crawl space and I was listening to the internet broadcasts for the so-called Bounce back. I bought the Iphone, but I went back to Apple, and I don't find that their customer service at the Mac Store or Straighttalk, which is a division of Tracphone wireless is optimal. It still does not work without wifi, although Siri works. The internet still cannot work very well. I can provide web accessibility consultancy which I will provide in January, write articles, and coach. I am producing webinars. Whether it is web accessibility, entrepreneurship for nontraditional workers, or interdependence and independence, I am the "gal" for you. Cheerleader for life is what I call myself. I will be writing more. I will check out more options for earning money. Thanks, Steve, for telling me about the comments. I have to work on that. More to come. Lynne

I have been doing some research on the Iphone. I checked AT&T and GCI and ACS.ACS had better rates for a two-year contract. $70 or something $105 or something. $50 fr a phone. Money for insurance. GCI had a better rate for insurance, but more money for roaming, and everything was more expensive. I forget what the phone is. I did not want to pay more and both were 16gigs. My cousin from Israel, who is in the States in Missouri for taking classes mentioned straighttalk.com. I don't remember what At&t said, but here are the things I wrote for the other two. Diana says that a new phone with a two-year contract is $50 (I was looking into a 4S. $115 a month. $9.99 amonth insuarnace, (lost or stolen or water damage). Unlimited text talk, nationwide no roaming. 16gigabyte storage. 5gigabytes a month internet usage. GCI 16gigabytes $150 Insurance $6.49 dataplans 3gigs $19.99 5gigs $29.99 10gigs $59.99 20 gigabytes $99.99 internet unlimited text and picture is another $15 a month. When you get 5gigs, your phone becomes a personal hotspot. You have to add nationwide for some larger amount. Straight Talk 16 gigabytes $59.94 and activate on the website, One gets unlimited text, talk and data with this $45.00 a month. We'll see. These things are so complicated. I will see about getting a refurbished phone. Hmm. I have researched this for a month. Koraling Lynne

webinars and updates

I am taking the second part of the webinar course. This is where we actually do the work on preparing webinars. I have one on "interdependence and Independence" which is about help, and Stephen Covey mentions interdependence as higher than independence. I have to find those quotes. I have found that disability organizations and those able-bodies people are the garget audience I want to present to. Of course, there are other projects that I have interest in, but Koraling Genius Consultants is taking shape. I feel so hopeful.

Disability Employment Awareness Month

Our panel was great. We hit it out of the park.Holly wanted to hear my song. Victoria asked if Richie still tuned pianos, and she spoke to him. Mr. Pucket came and spoke to me also. I liked the question concerning what we would tell people about disability. Education Verne and I said. People need to educate themselves, I said, and we have to educate them. Attitudes are so important. More stories and our life histories also. Harrison spoke about people's passsion for going to work every orning. Mentoring people is so important. I said I am a non-conformist, and I always felt different. Adults must ask questions. Dearlene from Bartlett spoke to me, and sheis a firebarand. Koraling Lynne

Well, we got the most snow last winter. However, we'll see how this orks this time. There is only a little snow now, but it has turned cold in the twenties. Koraling Lynne w

Webinar on Producing webinar

This was the second week of the webinar on webinars, and it was awesome. I feel so mpowered and meeting new people. How great is that? Then, Jill mentioned I could help two people she knows about entreprenruship. For those of us who are nontraditional, where the old tired attitudes do not work fo rus, we have to speak out and up for ourselves. It is painting our own mural of life, not someone's idea of who and what we are. Thanks goes to Trish. I learned what RSS is, and what it isand that's great.Koraling Lynne

compare and contrast

On Monday morning, Joe Campbell mentioned in an odd story with the meteorologist that he thought it was funny that blind people play tennis with an adapted ball, court and racket. The article referenced the California School for the Blind. These are attitudes that lead to the perceptions about blind people being clumsy, stupid, and not able to make decisions. Later in the day, twice I was on our paratransit bus for an hour at 3:20 and then going home. People who are cognitively impaired or have problems with memory or might experience dementia cannot speak up or stand up for themselves. Speaking out and making our own decisions is vpivotal. Cinemark has headsets, but if the employees do not know how to enable what is called audio description which was the case on Saturday, then the money is wasted or squandered by the business Century 16. . Koraling Lynne

Self-improvement is what I have been after. To change one's environment, one must change your inner view as well as the outer view. A member of the technology group said I am a peace-maker. I also see when people use certain buzzwords what they mean. People have tried to scare me by saying it is too dangerous to walk, or I might get malled, etc. I canot let that bother me. I walked and jogged on the treadmill Sunday. I am speaking on our disability awareness panel later. Why do I get caught up with people who are in loops, and run the same program day after day? I told someone at the synagogue that I was tired of singing the same thing every year. I even made some mistakes this year. It is so empowering to get back to learning the bus, checking out that environment and making sure I am on the right path. Leaves obscure the saidewalk, and I have to make sure I can hear trafic, and that things are familiar to me. I love life! It is exciting and an adventure to get outside and master the skill again. It uses the brain also because I have to be aware of my surroundings, what is around me and familiar, how the ground feels under my feet. Koraling Lynne

new beginnings

Ron, my homeopathic practitioner, said that I am always for the underdog. I have so much capacity for love and I am not as afraid to walk. I don't accept limitations any more. I went to a song-writing workshop in September, I think, and Start-up Weekend September 21-23. I believe that I can do most anything I set my mind to. I have a free coach, and she sounds like my friend Sylvia. She has her training in social work also. I am also taking a webinar on webinars class. I feel a real shift in me, and a sense of mastery over my fears. I walked for the last time on Friday. I have figured out how to get out of the condo when John helped me in April. I have a bigger network. I wrote a poem for the disabled writers group lsat week. Words have the meaning we give to them, however. How do we view words? We need to know how to listen to each other, and listen to ourselves. We need to work on ourselves. Koraling Lyne

Changing my Environment

I know. it has been a couple of months since I posted. I find the new blogger interface distasteful. I have been thinking about contrast. Why do the few control the many? Why is power so enticing to humans? Why don't we use our brains to solve problems? We like to dumb things down. Last night, I washed my phone. Ever since July, I have been meditating twice a day. I have been walking. It snowed for the first time Monday night for the winter. I finally received assistance so that Skype is in English. That was probably in September. Susan Thompson went through the menus and fixed the rpoblem. I have been walking to Sitka and it has ben clearing my head. I had one trip to the bus last week, and Penny helped me to square off away fro the curb cut. Most people cannto imagine how we "move" around. Koraling Lynne

Opening doors

Am I strong or am I afraid of my own shadow? I did do some checking on some things last week, thankfully. I want the love back in my life. I'm tired of being disconnected, sad, and that is why I remember connections with people on Skhype, or the calming mudra, or the powerful things I know about myself. I feel strong, and I feel weightless, adrift, flowing, which is not all bad, that I've lost my place in line. The Raising the Floor focus group at the American Council of the Blind conference was great. There was no "I'm better than you" or "I know more than you." or any one upmanship. It was cordial, cooperative, sharing and all that at 8:00 a.m. I had come in late from the Waverly Hills Sanitorium and it did not feel anything particular except it was hotter than the dickens. I needed two bottles of water when that was done. On the walk the next day for about 2 miles, again, needed tons of water afterwards. Okay, enough for now. Koraling Lynne I'm learning a little about FAcebook these days, and working with it.

Changing our environment

My husband's niece wrote a book. It is about her great-grandmother. My friend Sylvia has a relative who wrote "Along the Snake." My good friend Kitty wrote a bok. Check it out. It is "Dancing with Mao and Miguel." I heard part of it. It is great. Eric Robeson's book is fabulous. I had no idea he was so literary and literate. I am mesmerized by the book. Changing my mindset is what I am working on. Walking with a wider stride, thinking of birthing new life (metaphorically) and just practicing exercises that Ron Frank gave me. Sometimes, there has to be a shiva or break so change can happen, and so people can "wake up." Koraling Lynne

one size fits all

When I was buying a hat at Land's End in the 1980's, the hat was too large. I have a smaller than normal circumference of the head, and therefore it was too big. When we pick people for positions by the numbers and score them, we are missing the communication piece, the verbal piece, the interaction piece. This is wrong. I am not a number. I am a feeling, thinking, intuitive, intelligent, intellectual, analytical, and loving person. I am intense, passionate, and I don't give up easily. I remember a line from a poem I wrote as a young adult: "I am a ball of silent, frightened anger." Anyway, we'll see what happens. Koraling Lynne

musings

It  has been a couple of months of change,, reflection, and all sorts of changes. Right now, I'm listening to surfing sounds of water. I have been involved with a 30-day meditation. We are making changes to our house, and paid for a new patio door and window (the worst one). I get tired of waiting for the next shoe to drop. Last Saturday, the interface GWConnect that interfaces with skype stopped working and no matter how many times I download it, it will not restore itself and now music is water sounds and relaxing music and thunderstorm. I am tired of stifling, control, rigidity, and one size fits all and numbers instead of uniqueness. I'm really tired of being angry and upset a lot. I asked Ron to deal with the anger and all that, because I am so tired of feeling the way I do physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, etc. dragged out and torn asunder. I can't understand why Skype is still speaking in Arabic, why the disabled writers' group is being bounced, why e-mails of five of us at a women's circle were never gotten in touch with for the functional relationships ongoing group support (FROGS). It's ridiculous. Never have things been so difficult to manage, and people are not getting in touch with me. I am so disgusted and worn out sometimes. Yet, I look into coaching others and helping them, and seem to understand others. I had a great time at the convention by myself with the roommates who drank too much, and found that that was a way to cope with whatever, or cope with unhappiness, and the program sessions for Blind Information Technology Specialists were good also. The Women and Enlightenment was out of this world, and fabulous. I just want to be myself. "Hope Springs" was a great movie. Woody Guthrie was celebrated on the 100th anniversary of his birth. I have been using the treadmill and bike some and walking to Lydia's house but crossing is difficult because the curbs are curved and one cannot square off. Nevertheless, I'm determined to learn the bus, and I walk with the angelic strut that we learned about at the workshop in Portland in July. I want love and I want to give love. I become so disappointed in people. My confidence is good, and I think that is a problem for people. koraling Lynne

blind people

Blind people are more detailed, must ask questions, and are more observant, and cannot just relax. It's like being in a stressful situation all the time, because going out is a new adventure or expedititon all the time for us. I can relate to that, as we are ignored or thought of as throw-aways, and not capable or competent. Koraling Lynne

Okay, I visited North dakota for the first time. I met interesting people. A Menenite couple from Iowa, one a third-grade teacher and one a neonatal nurse. Babies are being saved at half a pound. The Menenites are one of three peace churches--Quakers, Church of the Brethren and the Menenites. I spent time with Dimas also, who is my son. It was great to have time with him. I found a friend who did not have a working number. Onlly two people even called on my birthday. I have trouble writing in here. I do my best, but Google has really messed up blogging. I asked people about how they found clients, and how they charged. I am seriously working on market research and price points for koralinggenius.com, and frogs.info. I am now certified as a mentor after the training May 30, 2012. Lynne cheerleader for life

May flowers

I don't know who Anonymous is, but I'll clear out the cache or get someone to do it, as I don't want all this spam on my blog, please? On May 16, we had an earthquake. I am going to a mentoring workshop. I still want to be cheerleader for life. Nothing is imposssible, impossible just takes longer. Jennifer Armstrong said her moth-in-law said so. She got married in Maine to her chiropractor wife as a lesbian. I don't know why people are threatened by gayy people. They don't hurt them. Anyway, I like that saying. I stubbed my toe badly the third time in five years. I have a stuy on my eye and that was Thursday. They don't feel better yet. My toe is really hurting, and my eye feels slightly better. I spoke to a wonderful life coach yesterday, and really resonated with her. I stubbed the toe on Wednesday. Okay, I'll stop for now. cheerleader for life Lynne coach, mentor, coach and the mentoring class is on Wednesday at the VA.

May madness

Well, May has flown by. I've been transcribing, and just hanging in there. Cheerleader for Life is still active in my mind. There is so much to say. I told a new young driver for the paratransit that volunteering helps people feel good, and that it can be used on a resume. We had a meeting with our condo people, and I am trying to dialog as best as I can. I really want to do my spiritual work. I did walk once, but then fear gripped me as I for the first time walked with my cane alone a route and only crossed the street once, and fell on my right knee which is sore. Isolation and all that is sI have to cope with. Something I recongize in myself and others.

topsy turvy

Okay, I wonder why people who say that women or people with disabilities are angry, and do not reflect on themselves, or call rape something that is not rape if people were drugged and don't resist? How did people decidethat denying birthh control wosuld control women and their bodies? I am not a fan of abortion to abort disabled people, but I believe in people's right to choose responsibly. People should not be forced to do whatever. I am shocked that Anchorage is the second most dangerous city for women, with Fairbanks being the third, according to a Forbes report? Saginaw, Michigan is the first, Anchorage, scond, Fairbanks, the third. Wow, and that is really shocking!

update April

Wow, I had real trouble writing in Chrome, so I'm back to IE 8. Okay, it still isn't able to be reviewed. What the heck? The business entrepreneurship class rocks! I love it, even though the web interface is not working and they never tested it on me. Why do people justify themselves by saying that someone else can use it, and compare them with others? That is not a helpful communication. I am a "cheerleader for life." I love that, and I can get into a good mood by thinking about that. We had the Volunteer Appreciation lunch today. Okay, I'd better practice my exercises. I am working on transcribing for Higher Balance, and other things. Koraling Lynne cheerleader for life, with pompoms.

Well, I can find the place to write again. I have to work on my exercises. I mailed the book to my friend and picked up a package from the Post Office, and got a ball, and I hope the ball is the right size. Koraling Llynne .

Flexibility

I attended a great webinar on work place flexibility. It was great. If there is anything I am passionate about, it is flexibility on all levels. The modern stress factors, and the fact that one out of every 2 people will be caring for an older parent or family member or neighbor in the next five years was astounding. It's not just about working moms, but older workers, two-income families, and increased stress and I loved it because telework and telecommuting were discussed as well as different locations to work during the year, shorter work week, and differnet options for time off during the day to attend to responsibilities. There is less time for ourselves, and for spouses, and relationships are suffering. It's about understanding your employee and their needs which leads to greater productivity and morale. I heard about work-sharing and work-family balance in industrial social work classes twenty years ago. Now they speak about work/family merge or integration. Koraling Lynne This was sponsored by the Society for Human Resource Management.

anger and forgiveness

I just want to have less anger and blame, shame and all that. I have said this before. Calling people names of the four-letter variety or five-letter and especially preying on women, people of color, disabled people, and other people is not about just spirituality but also about trauma-informed therapy or EMDR, and I don't know what the letter stand for basically. I believe in questioning, flexibility, options, interdependence, inclusion, wrap-around services, and counseling, coaching and consulting. Threating, fear does not work. As Doug Stephan said and a modern thinker Jay Kumar said that gratitude, and growth, and possibility is better than fear and collapsing with opportunity. When folks shut down conversation and topics become much less possible, why be in a relationship of that kind? I've had it with that sort of "my way or the highway." Listening is not valued any more. Face-to-face conversation has been replaced by other forms of communication with texting, Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Linkedein. Oh, my. Anyway, things should be much more loving, interconnected, forgiving, etc. Koraling Lynne

language

Sometimes, my husband speak about things such as his health and the like, and he says his back is okay, but not when he lays down. That is a contradiction. Today, he just does that and last night also where he does not understand why I don't understand, and he says he has mellowed out. Maybe he has. Anyway, today, on a transportation committee call with American Council of the Blind, language si so important. Giving proper feedback is important. The tags in our organic brain are interesting. The premise seemed to say that in accessibility of the built environment, using paratransit is not independence, and moving from there to a fixed route or pedestrian access. It is not linear, and you can use both fixede route and paratransit, and it is about choice. They did not like choice either. I can't remember why, but one of the participants gave a good title. We have been e-mailing about survey monkey which I commented on here about before. Many governmental and non-profits use that as their web-based survey creation site of choice. Language and access are so much a part of what needs to be done these days. Koraling Lynne

orientation and mobility

I spoke to my friend Peggy at the VA who along with two others (a mobility instructor) and a blind person, and Peggy did not know if I could walk down a hall. I used to do that stuff, but I have become scared which is crazy. I tried to learn, but Peggy is moving her location, and might not have been there today. I explained how one could tell about how narrow a hall was, how wide and how shore-lining was used to count openings. To approach something and to know it is there is the opposite of avoidance with a dog guide. Anyway, we'll see about the poodle, and whether I can really walk well enough. I'm just not sure any more. Koraling Lynne

a circle comes round again

On Sunday, I saw part of "Love Leads the Way" a Disney movie on www.mytvland.net and I cried when the dog became ill, because it reminded me of Merry, my last dog guide. It took so many times to get laws that would allow public access to dog guides because of businesses who did not understand. When a crowd or group does not know about service animals or dog guides, it is time to educate them, and not be complacent, as Eric Pepin, my spiritual teacher, said in a class yesterday focused on world events. I become so disappointed in people's attitudes and their rigidity. I like enthusiastic, giving, caring, people. Open people and as dad says a universal love fest or love-in. Small-minded and petty people have no time in this harried, crazy existence. Honestly, when I had dogs with neighbors, I did not have these problems. I never had a service animal, though. I just had dog guides. Hesper and Ragu barked some, but Fennel and Merry rarely barked at all. koraling Lynne

Another draft to fix

I saw Love Leads the Way about the first Seeing Eye dog and Morris Frank in Memphis. He was adventitiously blinded from an accident. I cried when Buddy, his dog was in pain reminding me of Merry. In 1936, a law was passed to allow dog guides to enter the public sphere. It is not any differnet than access to African-Americans, disabled folk gay people and the like. We must value all people. We must not suppress any ideas. The political ads now which talk about freedom and how people should be free to just allow straight people and deny gay people employment or housing is no different than business can discriminate against women, disabled folk, just change the word. I detest that kind of politics where black is white, and white is black. Freedom is another word for someone who wants to justify their racist, homophobic, anti-woman rhetoric. Self-defense if you feel (not that you know) someone who is young or another race is going to attack you, so you kill that person? The Southern Poverty Law Center speaks about the rise of violence since President Obama has been elected. I don't like many of his policies, but it is not about his race. My God, will we ever change? We think that able-bodied people are better, smarter, more competent, have more information, are quicker than a disabled person. Look past your foggy thinking at who people are, not your prejudices which bog you down in religious dogma and your interpretation of the Bible. I respect that you may have the right to deny women birth control, but not when you deny someone's right to speak and call her a "slut" Thanks for listening. I don't want to offend anyone, and I have problems with intolerant people. When I was about 13, Gerald Mack said he hateed most "toleration" a "tolerance" which was still pretty racist to him as a blind, African-American who I went to school with. I was teased about being Jewish as a teen-ager because people did not understand it. Fear, hubris, greed, spoils, plunder, these are things we must work on because equality is what we should value.

Lagging post that becfame a draft

Are atheists as fervent about religion as religious people? One person on a recent trip on the paratransit said that organized religion is like organized crime, but organized crime is more honest. He was kind of tongue-and-cheek sort of, and grew up in Philadelphia and I in New York, and those of us on the East Coast are kind of intense, passionate and skeptical. I agree about that, for the most part, with all the wars fought on the basis of some religion or other. Even Jews, as dad explained about his grandfather, who lost their belief because of some decision of a master tailor and my dad's grandfather, and he no longer believed in Judaism after a ruling went against him. Was it the Sanhedrin or some other Jewish authority? Really, and the Boer wars, the Northern Ireland "war", the Nazis, and any fundamentalists who use religion as their springboard for decision-making. It gives them license to hate gay people, women, disabled people, believe in the meek and the hierarchy of dominion politics. There have been principled people such as Father Berrigan, Dr. Martin Luther King, and other people who were service-oriented and self-sacrificed, but I think it is a problem when people impose their ideas on others. Atheists can be pretty intimidating also, because they are so definitive about their opinion. The men in my life who are atheists, and the woman I knew who is now Orthodox because it answers all her questions, and I like solutions, but I like questions better. We must open our hearts and minds, not close them to new and different ideas. Koraling Lynne

the bitter and the sweet

The memorial for my cousin's wife or dad's first cousin's wife which I still get sad about will be later this week. My Florida kin are traveling back for that. I wish I could be there. I will be in spirit to say a fond farewell for this sweet, feisty, wonderful person Frances! I do miss her, and remember all her kindness to me and my family, and her interest and caring of us. koraling Lynne

benefits of being blind

First there are things I embrace about being blind. 1. I have a keen observation of things around me. My peer counselor said that I am incredibly aware. She asked me about five things I noticed on the walk from my house to hers. I noticed how warm the sun was, the packed almost glassy texture of the snow under my feet very smooth, a car that I was trying to project my energy into, my cane I could almost see as a seesaw going back and forth, and the difference between the temperature of the shade and the sun even as we were in conversation. So, I want to hone my observational skills. People always felt as if we would not contribute to a conversation, so we because good observers. When I enter a room, many times conversation ceases because people are eyeing me with interest, curiosity, or suspicion/fear. Another thing about blind folks in general is that we are resourceful. We have to think of ways to get around problems because sighted people can't do that since they are not blind. I like collaborating with others and figuring out how things can be worked out. I have not always been good at this, since many times the door gets shut in our face. I know I had about two more, and I'll try to remember them, because they are interesting. We are good educators and trainers becaue we have to explain our devices or other sorts of information to the sighted or general public. It is just something we are good at. I have not accepted the tried and true, since the way most people see things is not what has worked for me. I have always questioned things, because what people told me did not seem right intuitively. That's about all for now. koraling Lynne

more reflections

Wow, I'm using Chrome, which actually is helping and echoing keystrokes. I could not use Chrome before, but this seems to work, so good deal. Websites in three problems lately--the interface for the disability entrepreneur class, totally inaccessible. Maybe I should try that with Chrome, and see if that works out? Hmm. However, JAWS would not speak with the JAVA bridge for Blackboard collaborate used by the University, and it is like a slap in the face when I worked with the Center for Human Development on net meeting or webinar interfaces or VOIP software programs, such as ILink and Adobe, and I am not happy about this when JAWS stopped speaking during the install part, and one member of the technology blind group said there is not a very good interface with this. This blogger thing has dogged me for a month, and I finally changed with it. The HBI Galaxy is not that good either, so oh, well learning new things even if I am kicking and screaming. (Smile). But, actually, if it works better, so be it. Our cell phone voice mail system was updated on March 15, the Ides of March, as Shakespeare called it in Julius Caesar, I think. Koraling Lynne

I have been reflecting. I know wen I am thinking better about things. As my spiritual teacher says, that we should notice three things and I thought of that when three events were shown to me which happened yesterday--that the house in New York sold three days earlier got notification of that, and a trust may be set up for mom's care, and my husband found the hearing aid place he needds to buy his hearing aids from when he goes to Mexico, and also the physical therapist said that I am moving and no problem with movement, but keep exercising and walking. He said I am extremely intelligent and I am amazing. I firsst felt as if I don't belong anywhere whether here in Alaska, Florida, California, New York, Arlington, and places I loved were Portland and also Seattle and Hawaii. I felt as if I did not belong in my body, that it is foreign to me also. I still have some pain, and that won't go away. At least, that is what Keith said. People don't see us when we are disabled. They have a problem with their perception and their brain tells them we cannot do anything, especially if we are intelligent. I realized when listening to a class on Sunday, that I don't want to be around people who want to suppress life and other people. Blogger is not that accessible with JAWS, and I'll see how long I can use this blog without switching to Wordpress or something. JAWS is not voicing what I am writing. Koraling Lynne

Hello, It's March 12, 2012. I have not posted since I was on the beginning of the trip, and now I'm at the end of it. Mom is better than I would have hoped. I'm not happy with harshness in environments or people. Too little communication, Linda, the hairdresser in Sarasota agreed with me. I hope I can post this. It's crazy. I've tried to post in this new interface, and it is not easy. I need to earn money, and I'm more depressed than ever. It's about 80 here and I'm going back to about 14 degrees. I don't know what to do. Well, things have been okay, and seeing a friend after more than 20 years was fun on Thursday and Friday. Koraling Lynne

traveling

I not only sat with a communications aide for Senator Murray whose parents were 60's baby boomers, but also someone whose wife was a special education teacher at West High School, and a teacher at Sand Lake who taught health and whose husband had his own business advocating for children's health. The hotel was so close to the airport, and my roommate was in her room. Today, felt awake, and went to part of American Council of the Blind Board meeting. That was great. Serita and I spoke again, and she is awesome, and she is impressed with my intelligence, skills, drive, commitment, memory, listening skills, and analytical skills. She said I was a Jewish Whitney who tried to help and enable others. Koraling Lynne

the bitter and the sweet

Okay, maybe I can post now. I could not a few days ago. This title refers to the Tuesday I was trying to write this, and maybe it will be rendered public now. I am in Washington D.C. for a legislative seminar. Tuesday, I was just about ready to get on to the paratransit (door to door or curb to curb service) and I checked e-mail one more time, and learned that Frances Gertrude Goldberg Koral died at about 85 on Sunday. I was devastated, cried and phoned dad right away. My first cousin's wife was so warm, inviting, engaging, real, tender, welcoming, accepting, interested , loved me, and was involved with Civil Rights, never ignored me. I cried on the bus, at physical therapy, and later in the peer counseling meeting. I wrote ten cultural competency items, and I was walking to the bathroom and Victoria and I were going back to my cubicle and ran into Diane DiSanto and both of us said: "What are you doing here?" She was with Marcia Devoe. PayPal also phoned me to say the account had been resolved with BITS. Please, God, I hope this will post. Koraling Lynne

Movies

Two weeks ago, we saw a movie called "A Dangerous Method" about Freud and Jung. It was sad, because at the end they showed a woman who was shot in Russia with her two daughters in Russia because she was Jewish. She was one of Jung's mistresses. I did not realize that Jung was alive until 1961. He believed in dreams, which I knew, but also paranormal experiences and actually had a dream about World War I, and this was in 1912. Freud died in 1939. They seemed to justify their sexual liaisons and urges. Quite an interesting movie. Another movie I saw a while ago The Descendants had great Hawaiian music, and had a bit of "Through the Wormhole" or "Ancient Aliens" which was interesting. We never got to see J. Edgar Hoover. I did see "I am" a great documentary which had me crying and thinking wide-eyed about how the heart cells are more important than the brain for discerning things. We must open our minds to new ways of thinking and feeling, instead of being deterministic. That is why chaos theory is so interesting. You can read Wheatley about chaos theory, which I read about in Public Administration courses. What people are discovering now is so interesting. Koraling Lynne

Coincidences?

Annonymous, there is nothing wrong with getting an unexpected ride at all. No, it is not a new dog, but a dog that is very protective. We don't have a collar that is good for stopping some of her behavior, but she can be very loving. People can be small-minded, and disappointing. I try to look for the good in people, the worth of people, but when they are upsetting and cause me grief, what can one do? I think that this week has been a little heavy. However, there is good stuff also, and I am washing all the clothes for leaving for a trip to Virginia and Florida. A change in environment might help. I hope so. I need a new perspective.

No Coincidences

I had waited for a taxicab for more than an hour, when my friend Ann appeared. She was with her friend, and she took me home after afew side trips. She was picking something up from the downstairs of Advanced Physical Therapy were other offices are. She drove me home. We heard about a dog collar from the veterinarian office, and it was a day of reflection and a song about forgiveness was playing on the smooth jazz station as I was thinking with sadness about all the things that bother me about people that I'd seen on the e-mail lists and with the condo situation. It was like being racially isolated in the 1960's and yes, part of it was the dog, and much of it is if people do not understand something, they fear it. They don't want to admit they don't understand the anomaly or difference, so they fear it. That is true of disability, alternative health, (including homeopathy), politics, sexual preference, spirituality and other things such as even computers and smart phones and other modern ideas. Koraling Lynne

lessons

When a distressing event happens, I askk what lesson I can learn from the experience? Experiences show us things, so it's a good thing. It may not seem so at the time, but it may pay off in the end. what is the lesson in all this and what can I learn to make others’ lives better? People who prey on disabled folks, because we are different are just really sad specimens of humanity or society. I have had so much trauma and so have others who are in under-represented groups. People who are abusive or traumatizing others have usually been traumatized themselves. I want to find solutions. I need to go to bed soon, since tomorrow I go to the volunteer position. Koraling Lynne

friends

My homeopathic practitioner sent agreat newsletter on Friday. I had not received the first one, but maybeI will. It spoke about meditation, which was great. I sent it to some people. I really was impressed with what was written there. A week ago yesterday, my friend Reeni came by from a celebration of the Orthodox Rabbi's daughter's bat mitzvah (which occurs when a girl is 12 and boy is 13, although my son had his bar mitzvah on his sixteenth birthday, which fell on a Saturday) and it means either daughter or son of the "good deeds" (mitzvah) or commandments. The daughter's project was to make challahs (braided bread) for many families and deliver them, and Reeni was close by so she brought some for me and then Lydia came at our appointed time. That was very nice. Well, time to bed. Koraling Lynne

Appointments

It seemed like longer ago than that, but indeed I scheduled appointments or tried to schedule appointments last Monday with our Alaska delegation. The next day the other blindness group, seeming more like a lock-step religion and people adhere to their principles were meeting in Washington D.C. as Congressman Don Young's office mentioned Koraling Lynne

websites

A couple of weeks ago, I phoned our U.S. delegation to check on appointments. Two of them--Mark Begich, and Don Young had "request a meeting" in places that were not obvious or right on top. The staff sent me links right away, though Don YOung said they had no time on the 24 or the 27 of February. They also don't have any time on the 28. Begich has not gotten back to me yet. Lisa Murkowski gave me an appointment time when I spoke to a real person. Her staff member was projud that they had the best website either of the legislature or some accolades they had received. Theirs had a captcha that did not have an audio captcha for blind people. I did point this out to them. I also have the original roommate for the trip. Koraling Lynne

working with people

Between the blind people who are rigid, and people in my life who are rigid, I barely know what to do. I get that way out of just acquiescing sometimes, or freeze or flight, and I have been better with people when they say something and try to read underneath their words. I did that the other day when my husband said that some people we know were feigning illness, and I said they had chronic problems, and then understood taht when people focus on them, that is part of their identity, and that is what they see. However, I still get defensive sometimes. Tonight, I told a friend taht we get disappointed and we want appreciation, and we have to appreciate ourselves before we can expect it from others. People who do not appreciate themselves cannot appreciate others, or treat others well. It's a struggle to know that I need people and not to be bitter. We are social, and we need people as Barbra Streisand said in her song "People." Koraling Lynne

the movie "I am"

What an amazing movie. I heard about it quite a few months ago on Tom Hartmann, and then on the Hawaii expedition last week the leader recommended it for us and played it for the 24 attendees. I cried and eyes widened about what can we do about our world to change it, and what's wrong with it? Loneliness, disconnectedness, greed, all "mental illness" sort of. Very interesting. It was so hopeful, and we discussed many aspects of it yesterday during the Reflections Skype call for Higher Balance. I can't seem to find time to do everything, and when I installed a program to listen to the movie, a few hours later, It totally messed up my computer. So for two days, I could not read e-mail, check out the exercises for Physical Therapy, or navigate the web very well. So, today, I remembered a tip from my friend Steve who gave me a tip for system restore and it worked! The mp3's played, and JAWS worked when we restored it to Friday. I needed Devin at the office my husband is Executive Director works to know what the screen said, because Narrator did not work very well. Anyway, it's not perfect, and there are still problems but at least I can still manage with it. Koraling Lynne

Weird winter?

Mmore cold than usual, more snow, and all sorts of strange interesting weather. I tried to do my exercises. I spoke to a friend who moved around early winter or fall to Scotsdale, Arizona. She says there are more healers, and she mentioned Bruce Lipton who wrote the book "Biology of Belief." More people are on paratransit, and Sunday morning, I could not even schedule a ride or I could not schedule one for Sunday and I was told that people with disabilities do have priority funding and scheduling. Vilma spoke about empty buses, and a bus leaving her with all her groceries. Many people get paid one a month, and go to the store when they have the money. These are issues we have battled for years. This winter people have been bumped from ReadyRides because of cuts to MedicAid. This is how systems work. Each system acts on the other, and puts stress on the other. How sad. There are extenuating circumstances, but there are also possible funding constraints with exceeding capacity. My husband said I am a good writer, and I love to write about various issues, even though they may be controversial.

The AMTRAK Lady

When I was reserving a seat on the Silver Meteor, and I liked the time and the name of the train, it just resonated with me, a very nice reservationist was speaking about people who act and don't think, If it doesn't bother them, they don't think about anybody else. People who shoot guns on New Year's Eve in New YOrk, especially, don't think about the bullets and they have to go somewhere, and I agreed. I have the plane tickets also. I thought I had a roommate, but since she has to have surgery, she cannot tell me for sure. Actually, the roommate taht I thought could not make it did let me know last week that she would be available and her surgery went well. Koraling Lynne

February flies by

One of our members won 47 thousand dollars as a settlement with the Anchorage School District after many years. I went to one summation with the Alaska Human Rights Commission December 8, 2009 and some meeting about it in June 2011, I believe. I lost respect for the Disctrict after listening to Brad Owens, who I knew from disability work I think he had worked with Access Alaska at one time, and the attitudes that were rampant in the summary in December of 2009. I was really gratified for Vilma Anderson, who is blind, Latin American, a woman and just redeemed her senior status. She siad that what she did will help future blind people. This is what I have said and what my husband has said.

thoughts

I said that I did notknow the difference much between Hinduism and Buddhism. My husband said that Gandhi was Hindu. Okay, also two people asked if I was still in Anchorage from my spiritual group. Friday, three people were wondering if I was okay. Hmm. What is going on? koraling Lynne It is amazing when people see things I do not notice. I see things I was gold a year or two ago, such as I have to heal myself as the truth. I also see myself as understanding after 20 years about learning about business consulting and the skills taht I have to share with others. People need my expertise and why should I be shy about them? Koraling Lynne

thoughts

I remembered the things my husband and I were expounding about. I had not known or remembered that Hemingway, which we agreed was one of America's great writers, had committed suicide. He said that Gandhi was an ambulance driver, that Hemingway had fought in the Spanish Civil War in the 1930's, and that he never saw "Peter Pan" in the movies with Mary Martin. He also said that Einstein was involved in the nuclear program, and I looked on the internet and he opposed nuclear technology. We spoke of Gandhi and my husband never saw the movie, which was extremely powerful with Ben Kingsley playing Gandhi. Many of these events are history to me. We agreed that Einstein was a genius, and I think he and Albert Schweitzer were Jewish. My husband asked about Hemingway spiritual views. I don't know. He had read "Old Man and the Sea." I was speaking about Siddhartha and wrongly attributed the writing to Hemingway. I think it was Hermann Hesse. My husband said that Hemingway wrote from his experience. That is the best kind of writing. Koraling Lynne

today's notes

Today, I rescheduled an appointment because I could not get good times with paratransit for Wednesday early in the morning. I was glad it is later in the day. Four people have mentioned being Hawaii in January and February. Maybe I'll get back there, and maybe I will not. I was able to get a picture on an iphone to get to Pilot Dogs. I'm almost finished with their application. I paid off these orthotics. I did have a light lunch, took a shower, and meditated once. How I'll fit in practices, I have no idea, because though I can practice some of these techniques, not all of them do I have time for each day. My husband and I spoke about mules yesterday, and some other things today. and how much stamina they had compared to horses. The dinner for members was not well-attended, but a transplant from another state was there, and it was nice to meet her again, since we met her fleetingly in Reno last summer. Well, I'm going to bed now. One of the people who planned to go to Hawaii ahs a problem with a dog who fell and broke a paw. How sad for her and the puppy. lynne01

lists

I have been making lists. I haven't had time to do much else to finish the dog gude application to get a poodle, and JAWS is not starting directly, or correctly. I don't understand GW Skype from another technology company for blind people. I haven't been catching up on the Life Coaching course, but the webinar yesterday. My son phoned me, and I like speaking to him. Koraling Lynne
I like lists, and have modified them. I have a roommate who had a health crisis, and I am waiting to see which roommate I'll be hearing from her this Tuesday. Koraling Lynne

surveys and other stuff

Yesterday, I was part of a webinar about business issues to be aware of for coaching issues, and that was new information on a webinar. I also filled out a survey concerning social media on the internet that American Council of the Blind had forwarded, and then received e-mail about a phone survey that asked about our preference for fixed route, paratransit or other modes of transportation. Interesting stuff.

Even though I have not written blog, written in topic groups or meditated as much as I want, I have been going to the Skype groups. People in Higher Balance were concerned , because they could not reach me yesterday. It has been a crazy week with me missing a bus, and then I got home later than I should or would have. I have not attended any classes except yesterday and today, really. Oh, well, It's crazy. I did pay bills on Thursday. Just to navigate with our life is not always easy, especially when we tend to be isolated. I still rescue people and feel bad if someone is having a hard time, and have a difficult time taking care of myself. My son is a great source of support for me, though. Koraling Lynne

update week of October 17, 2011

I attended an interesting workshop about volunteers. I had attended it last year also. It spoke about generations, and I realized, as a nonconformist that I did not like rules, (although I go back and forth) and I don't like doing anything for a long period of time. I like change, expansion, travel, variety, people, communication, etc. I found a fantastic article aboutwww.sightwithsound.com but I could not get to it. I just got the title, and nothing else. It was mentioned in an article I read in Braille, and I was fascinated that visual contexts could accompany sounds. When I sent a message to the leadership list, two people said they had no trouble. I answered that I wanted more detail about how they navigated and which hardwrd or software configurations they were using. I am less active on the Higher Balance Galaxy site, because it just takes too long to find topics and reply and I don't even have time to look at al the articles. That professor wrote back, and I don't know if she used my submission, because I don't know how to electronically sign a document. I tried to figufd out a blog on the Higher Balance Galaxy site to no avail, and instead a message went into draft, and no blog seemed to emerge.
I also had a good experience with communicating that problems with AnchorRides, our so-called paratransit service here in Anchorage was having problems with lateness, a driver picking up the wrong person the Wednesday before last, and suggested that the contract administrator should communicate that information to different stakeholders. I also said that punitive measures instead of encouragement were self-defeating, and that because disabled people tend to have more trauma than others, the letters will frighten them, and they will think they did something wrong.

Susan siad she had written down my suggestions. We also did not know that funding sources could be prioritized, nor that certain private options for Medicaid patients had been reduced, and they picked some of those up. Koraling Lynne

It's 2012

I have felt for some time that this will be a good year. I was asked to write a recommendation for one of my professors of Public Administration and I was surprised, because as I told her I was not a "stellar student." However, she said I had good memory, listening and analytical skills. One of the people in BITS said I was resilient. I certainly try to be that way. One of my Los Angeles friends phoned me today, which was nice. Koraling Lynne

Happy New Year, 2012

Well, New Year's Day we had only three other people besides us. We had shrimp and baby back ribs. Hmm. This week, I conducted a workshop I entitled: "Ignored but not ignorant: Private and Professional Attitudes Towards Disabled people" or something like that. People seemed to like it who were interns and psychology people. In the health realm, I cried during my session in peer counseling on Wednesday a release and a release Thursday when the physical therapist was working on me. Two days I worked last week and the week before, and this week also. Starting on Wednesday the 28 of December, our kitchen counters started being replaced. They are not ready yet. I planned my trip back to Virginia and Florida, and received many answers to my roommate problem. Lori from New York, Donna from Iowa, Ardis from California, and another woman Lisa from California all got in touch with me by e-mail. I was terribly frustrated on Tuesday with the computer, but filled out the form for the mid-year meetings Thursday when I could not sleep. Wow. I was trying to install an accessible plug-in for Skype, and it is not working. The WFMT site was not working, my e-mail was from oldest to newest, and those were four things on Tuesday night when I stayed awake until about 12:30. I apologized for my frustration on the leadership site, and someone was disappointed and another woman was shocked at my vehemence. I apologized, and said I was frustrated. John McCann, who I knew since 1967 (I was in ninth grade) said that he read between the lines about my stress. He wants to go out to dinner with me. Also, this week, the BITS conference call went well, and Renee said she looks up to me as a model because I do not give up on Pay Pal. I wrote my goals last Saturday, and all the things I need to accomplish. Dad says he does that too, and read me a poem about his brand of poetry this morning. Koraling Lynne