Thursday, May 5, 2011

Commenting on Dave Armstrong's blog

I hate to think I am a prude. But at camps, recreational events, and so forth, i was called a flirt, if I hugged a teen-ager when I was one myself. I was not "coming on" to them and was just hugging them. I was always enthusiastic. After all, even in junior hhigh, in a back room we called the "inner sanctum" (I think it was junior high, and not high school) in that place, a guy would want to do things I did not like. I was pretty repressed and naive about sex, and it scared me. It must ave been that I was terrified of being pregnant. When I was, and just thought I would or could not pregnant that fast, but nearly right after I had sexual relations for the first time in about March of 1974, and this was after Europe, where we went together, but managed to not have those kind f relations, I became pregnant very quickly, and would not, and could not get an abortion. I feel very strongly about this, and I loved being pregnant and having a baby.
Dave Armstrong's blog got me thinking, because I never liked parties, or getting drunk, even, and the one time I did when I think my parents' friend's son David came, I felt so stupid, and someone taped me and my voice was slurred, and that was the end of it. I went to parties of blind kids, don't get me wrong, but I was not a drinker, because I did not like the way people acted. I never wanted to be out of control. That is probably why I was so repressed. Even before AIDS, I was never that wild about sex. Yes, having friends and being close, I was so emotional about friends, but sex did not thrill me. That is probably why I ended up in therapy--sex therapy--and that was very embarrassing. I remembering taking the train to middle Manhattan with a woman and two men, I believe, for maybe a month or two, but we had "homework" or exercises, and I just never liked talking about it. My parents never spoke about it, so it was hush-hush, as far as I could see. I was very self-conscious about it. I remember in ninth grade, Jill asked me if I knew why my parents slept together and I did not. I don't want this blog to be X-rated, but blind kids don't get models or get to learn about sex because we don't look at magazines at the newsstands and such. We blind kids had many questions, and no one to answer them. We were curious. So, I have a sense of adventure, but it only goes so far. I like new experiences, but not self-destruction ones. I am more about self-deprivation and shutting myself off than that interested in hurting my body in any way. So, what can I say? I was pretty strait-laced, though many would not think so. People look at the outward signs, such as not getting married, and being a fiminist for many years, and they would not believe it, but in many ways, I am pretty conservative. That is why I hate to label people. I do have progressive views about many things, but I did not like being out of control, even though i can be intense and passionate. I can be very enthusiastic. I spent a lot of time reading books as a youngster, and I loved books about young girls or "Pippi Longstocking" or "Assorted Sisters" or "Hitty, her First Hundered Years" about a doll, and had a very vivid imagination. I loved to roller-skate also. That's enough for now. Dave's posts kind of shocked me. I could never be that wreckless, and girls never would have had that happen. My parents were worried about me going to Europe for a whopping $223 or something like that when I was 21. It was wonderful, though, and not something I could take back. KoralingLynne

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