Friday, May 6, 2011

learning about myself and others and you

I learn taht I am more cautious than indulgent or do things with abandon, that I am afraid that people will be angry, so don't engage as much, that even little assurances have me being so grateful and about how Jeannine, who will be my roommate in Portland, who has health problems too, said if no one steps up to the plate, then she will and that was so beautiful. I am tired of the bickering, labeling, rigidity, and just want to work on futuristic stuff, and there is always something we will agree on, even on its face we will not. We must find those intersecting and connecting dots, because All is One, and as I said, we can even if I agree with someone, find those areas where they are surprised about what i don't agree with. I could never get an abortion, even though my parents thought I should out of fear, I believe, thta they would have to take care of the baby, or that I couldn't, or perhaps worry that I could not take care of a baby, and I love them to death, but wanted that baby. Was that the right choice? It was mine to make. When so many disabled babies are aborted, how could I do that? When I heard someone implore: "Not one more baby." I cried because it was so poignant,and what if I were not alive? I think that Senator John Coghill is one of the nicest people ever, and don't care about his politics. When he cared about me a couple of years ago, as I was the first blind person to work in the legislature, that meant so much to me when he had me come up to his office to support me! Senator Kevin Meyer has my respect and caring, again, because he is a nice person. Yet, in high school, Mrs. or Miss Bruno was an atheist and a Democrat, but not a very nice person, and the labels we wear and the tags we put on people, and those things we espouse, get over it. We are so much more than that. I take people for what they are, not only their beliefs. I believe we should legalize drugs, because we have double standards if we don't and crime would be diminished. There are many reasons and I haven't looked at the site, but is a site that gives arguments for it. Some issues are not about Democrats and Republicans at all. Disabilities issues are not either way, either. Most humans do not understand our skills and what we have to share and are afraid of disabled people. Did you know that even more than AIDS and cancer, people fear being blind, and that is the worst thing they believe could happen to them? My goodness, is that weird. I always considered myself lucky, because I know there are people who feltI would rub off on them, and that I was contagious, so I have the best people around me for friends, because they did not allow their perceptions or fears to guide their decisions. So many people, especially middle-class Protestants have been indoctrinated into being conformists. I am lucky, because I always felt different, if not special, and that I could change things for the better. I care so much about people, and yet I said at a staff meeting that if I was not working at a non-profit, then I would be making five times as much money as I was there, not their fault, and people did make decisions to be there, but many of us take what we get, or blieve we should take what we get., and be grateful for the crumbs we get. No, no, a bountiful diet and not a sparse one, and yes, yes, I love people. I have had so many setbacks and disappointments, and then I pick myself up again. I have been disappointed with people, and then I need to learn to trust and surrender my grief and tears and anger and fear which is my constitutional way of thinking. That is from being a Jewish, middle-class woman growing up, but notnow, when the world is so out of balance financially, emotionally, physicall and mentally. So much suppression and repression and violence. I'm for respect, dignity, freedom, self-determination, flexibility, egalitarian, and love, and forgiveness. We all have our struggles, pain, and it's how we deal with that, and how we grow from it, and we cannot carry our resentments with us like a big trunk, or it wears on us, and brings us down. I believe things are changing in the world for the better, as young people under 30, as the rest of us are "over the hill" and we must leave it to my son and his compatriots. Koraling Lynne

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